Are You Afraid Of Ghosts?

Ezra and Aria

Are you afraid of ghosts?

Oh, I am.

I’ve had a fear of ghosts since I was ghosted by a guy eight years ago. Fortunately, I’ve only encountered a major ghoster once in my lifetime, which is rare.  That’s not to say that I haven’t  had little ghost encounters here and there. And it seems as though all of my amazing, strong, and female single friends are ghosted on a regular basis.

Sure, women ghost men, too—the Beatles even wrote a song about it #yesterday—but I think it’s less frequent, and I don’t do it myself. I’m more likely to pull the “I like you, but I’m just focusing on my career,” or the more obvious hint: “I’m too busy right now.” And although I’ve had bad breakups, there’s just something awful about being ignored—especially when he once seemed to be so interested. We rack our brains thinking, What did I do? We go over every tiny detail. Maybe you got a little too nervous and showed your excitement too soon, but you’re human. Him not having the decency to say, “Hey, I just don’t think we should see each other like that anymore,” is just rude and cowardly.

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The ghosting trend has gone on since the beginning of time. But why do we hear so much about it now? Maybe women weren’t as vocal about their interest back then, or maybe it’s just that there wasn’t any social media  to complain about it on.

But I’ve always wondered if ghosts feel remorse. I recently found out that some actually do.

Last year, I started receiving multiple texts from my ghost from eight years ago. Suddenly, it was all: “Let’s go out?” and “Looking good on Facebook! I see you’re not seeing anyone….” Had he completely lost his mind?! 

He started messaging compliments, and I clearly didn’t mind them, until one of them was: “You’re aging really well.” I love being reminded that I’m aging. Anyway, then he said: “I’m sorry I was a dick back then.”

Then he sent four words that shocked me: “I felt so bad.”

I realized: OMG, this boy does feel remorse. He actually said the words I wanted to hear. And although I appreciated the sentiment, it didn’t change my opinion of what he had done.

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It also got me wondering how many other men ghost, and how many ghosts regret it. So I asked a bunch of guys in New York City—random strangers at a bar, some male friends, and one guy at a coffee shop.  Here’s what they had to say…

Josh, 32

“I was 26, and she was talking about marriage on the first date. A massive creeper. NO, I don’t regret it. She was a creeper.”

Joe, 24

“Yes, I was 22. I was only interested in her physically, and I could tell she liked me more emotionally. I didn’t want to hurt her. Yes, I regret it. I was really young.”

Marty, 37

“Yes. I was 30, and she screamed crazy. That says it all, doesn’t it?”

Justin, 27

“Yes, I do it all the time. Women in New York are crazy.”

Mike, 37

“Yeah, I just did it. I just wasn’t interested in her, and I thought, I don’t owe her anything. Yes, I regret it because she’s really hot.”

Zack, 35

“Yes, I do it all the time. It’s girls I sleep with who pretend they don’t care, then they get emotionally attached. I feel bad, but they know what they’re getting into.”

Jon, 30

“Yes. I slept with this girl, and she cried after. It was weird. No, I don’t feel bad.”

Blaine, 33

“Yeah, I was 28. I met her at a club and slept with her that night. So I figured she did it all the time.”

Jack 25

“Yeah, I do it a lot. Of course I feel bad, but it’s better than me telling her I don’t like her.”

How terrible! Really, what is wrong with people?  I’ve posted about this before, Narcissist Versus Crazy but it really makes me angry. Men need to stop calling women crazy! What’s actually crazy, is that men don’t have the courage to be honest with a woman. They’re too afraid of what she will potentially say or do. Get it together, guys, and grow up!

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ISN’T IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE?!

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Every time someone says to me, “Still not married?” makes me want to get married less.  I mean, of course the superficial  part of me thinks it would be nice to have the Mathew Crawley and Lady Mary proposal, a royal wedding that’s all over social media. It would be nice, to never have to worry about  having a halloween costume partner, or someone to take me to Nantucket and share Instagram pix while acting like we are the only couple who has ever vacationed there, #blessed #hesuchakeeper. But other than that, marriage sounds kind of scary.  For one thing, I feel like I’m buying divorce presents as much as wedding presents, which is just devastating seeing so many people heartbroken.  And for me, at least I have some idea of what to get for weddings because the couple is registered, yeah, at William Sonoma.  Why not Bed Bath And Beyond? I’m not made of money!

The day I didn’t have to have a roommate anymore was one of  the best days of my life. I mean, sure my last roommate was my big sister and she provided all the toiletries, groceries, and moral support one must have in this city; so that was nice.  Yes, sharing your life with someone is beautiful, but having someone who is just always there sounds  horrible. The reason why I prefer going to the movies by myself, is so I don’t have to worry about someone asking me questions when I’m just as confused as they are.  I’m not being judged for putting sour patch kids in my popcorn, or forced to share popcorn. I don’t know the last time you washed your hands! RAVEN, NICK VIALL

The joint  bank accounts, always checking in with one another and sharing a bathroom. It’s New York, of course we’d share a bathroom. Cuddling is the best thing in the world right, but every night?  Move over!  Then, the worrying comes in.  Imagine how much you worry about people you care about now, except 10 times worse. What if he slips on the train?  What if he is shot? What if he’s captured by a member of ISIS? Yes, that’s a real fear of mine. What if he has a horrible day at work, and I don’t have time to do anything special for him?  What if he gets in a fight with his friend, and then I  have to cut all communication with our favorite couple? I’m mad at him, I’m mad at the friend. What if he has mommy issues and I’m over protective and can’t hold in my anger; so I freak out at his Mother for causing him pain!  I’m always stressed and have become a negative woman.  The questions keep coming.  What if his political views change in 30 years?  What if he favors my daughters over my sons?  What if he realizes he doesn’t want an outgoing fun girl who loves people,  but one who is just silent and only engages with others when she’s forced to.  I heard that’s the trend right now.

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Isn’t it easier to imagine making care packages for Leo DiCaprio, or sharing the remainder of his life with Paul McCartney, than marrying one of the many egotistical maniacs that roam the streets of New York?  That was a rhetorical question. To all my happily married friends, I’m honestly elated for you.  Please, don’t take offense.

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That Can’t Be Right.

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Since the Syrian crisis started in March 2011 almost a half a million people are dead. 13.5 million people are in need of shelter, and 6.1 million people have been internally displaced  from their homes. Isn’t that sad?  When people say ” Why do you care so much? I get that it’s your nationality but aren’t those Aleppo rebels ALL involved with ISIS? ” My/our answer should be this:

The people of Aleppo, just like our forefathers and founders of our country, tried to break away from a brutal regime run by a dictator. They were met with violence, unfathomable suffering, and death.

Unfortunately, instead of concerning ourselves with the refugees or innocent orphans of Syria, our government is worried about what shoes  aren’t being sold at Nordstrom. That sure as hell can’t be right.

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Aren’t We Bullied Enough?

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As I walk down the hall, I hear a mocking comment directed towards me. Suddenly, I’m having a flashback to high school- I’m the freshman who is fumbling with my locker combination, while the boy across the hall is ridiculing me. I guess some boys never grow up. Why would a grown man whose never met me, feel entitled to make a disparaging remark? I’d say he’s a misogynist but I don’t have enough proof, and it seems like lately I’ve been abusing the word. There’s a difference between a misogynist and  a bully. Like the little boy who pulls your hair in elementary school, or the gym teacher who body shames you while your playing dodge ball. Or like your boy friend who cheats on you because you were “just too sweet.” Then worst of all, the activist who thinks it’s best that you “remain exclusive, but don’t put a label on it.” In other words, “you can’t be with anyone else but I can.”

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Well, then maybe this bully is also a mean misogynist. I hate to break it to Tay Tay Swift, but even when you’re living in a “big old city,” you will meet mean people. I’m tempted every week to tell the bully what I think of him, but  instead I just roll my eyes.  Showing strength means ignoring him. I  give him the benefit of the doubt.  He’s insecure. He’s lonely.  He was also bullied. Any moment, he’ll realize he was wrong and will give me a sincere apology. 

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How do so many adult men get away with putting down women? The guys who walk around preaching  peace, love, and equality should practice what’s written on their dirty, faded teeshirts; the true hypocrites who claim they care about social injustice cause  pain to their own sisters. Don’t they understand that we suffer needlessly because of it? Surely they don’t mean to hurt us. Surely the smiles they flash at us is their way of apologizing. They will feel remorse. I imagine they do. However, why would they think it’s acceptable to say and do such nasty things? Oh I forgot, look who just became our 45th President.

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Yes we did. Thank you.

The Obama campaign was the first campaign I ever worked on.  Although I was young, naive, and pretty ignorant of reality, I was certain  that- This man will make a great president. He won’t be perfect, but he will be great. He did not disappoint.barack

My cup runneth over with gratitude. Thank you so very much Mr.President.  You and your lovely family will be sorely missed.  Yes we can, and yes we did.

“The Girl On The” Subway part 4/Ophelia Breakup.

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When breakups occur some people say,  “He just wasn’t the right person for you.” Do you ever think maybe he just wasn’t  the right person for anyone?  Maybe he was a jerk.  Why would you ever date a jerk though? Could it have something to do with the Ophelia effect? She was one of Shakespeare’s most complex characters. Driven by a toxic love for Hamlet, the emotional pain destroys her. Ophelia’s lack of food makes her delirious and she breaks out into song. Today, that would just be an annoying actor on the subway. She’s severely anorexic and needs help, but women were denied that then. So, she just gets labeled  #crazy. Then, after her suicide Hamlet feels remorse. “What, the fair Ophelia!” So ridiculous, this isn’t about you Hamlet. You misogynistic douche bag. You ghosted her, made her feel as though she was nothing.  Hamlet is a jerk! Ophelia was the kind one, and had help been available she could have chosen someone who would have appreciated her for her sensitivity and compassion. My question is, why do some of us continue to date “Hamlets?”jude law hamlet.jpg

Six months had gone by so naturally it was time to end it. (#histurn)So he said, “I think we should break up.” “Wait what? You’re breaking up with me? You told me you wanted to marry me last night.”  Okay act like you don’t care. I just don’t understand!” “You’re a big animal person, you might understand this better. So you’re a puppy, a sweet little puppy with big eyes, who gets all excited about things, and it’s  so adorable. You want to be around puppies all the time, at the beginning. But then you realize, you have to walk a puppy, make sure it’s being taken care of, pet it. I need more of a cat.” “What, but puppies are so much better than cats.” “ Yeah, puppies are fun for a few months, then you have to train them. Cats don’t bark or need to be cuddled. They’re just there.” “I can be a cat.”  Aw, you can’t be a cat. That’s flattering that you would change your personality for me. Nothing wrong with being a dog, a lot of guys are into that. I need a cat though ya know.  Can we still be friends?”  “No!” I walk away and he screams. “I’m sorry I hurt you. Thanks for doing my laundry. You’ll have someone new by tomorrow, ha.”cute dog.jpg

He thinks he hurt me? I’m some stupid little girl who flatters him? He thinks I need a man? I can’t believe I’d been doing his laundry. That was a horrible analogy. I was just compared to an animal. Thankfully, it was a good one. Who wants to date someone who hunts for sport?  A sneaky cat with sharp features, like Alice.  Alice, I was right, he was who I thought he’d be.  I had been dating an egotistical maniac, how come I didn’t see it earlier? How dare he get the last word in? Go tell him how his life will be. How all along you were right. I run back. You want some passive aggressive cat? You will have her. Her name is  Alice. She’s a cat I envisioned you with months ago. She has the personality of a toe and only gives two word answers to any question she’s asked. Her only means of knowing what’s going on in the world is via Fox News. She will write #blessed after her  obnoxious photos she’ll post of you two on Instagram. She never shows any sort of emotion, and her features are sharp like a cat.  Her only way of recycling is separating paper and garbage; clearly she thinks it’s 1997.  She will say to your children ridiculous phrases like, “touch with your eyes, not with your hands.” Or worse give them options. “Option A -you can stop crying and we get ice-scream. Option B -you can cry and you get a time out. As if a six month old understands options. One of the saddest parts of your life will be she will teach your children that the only cure for mental illness is prayer. 

Instead,  I say. “Hey, your beard is stupid, and so is Park Slope.”  “You realize we are in Williamsburg.” “Whatever, it’s stupid.” “Then why did you just say you loved it.” “ I changed my mind.  It’s like people pay to make themselves look bad. Take a shower.” “Says the environmentalist.” “Whatever.”  As he walks away I’m tempted to apologize for my comments about Brooklyn, and  his cute little beard. I’d actually grown to love the borough and it was my idea to keep the beard. I’m also tempted to describe my many cat traits. Thankfully, I couldn’t think of any. wand gif.gif

“The Girl On The”Subway Part 3

 

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You know that feeling post Facebook stalking, where you think you’ve added someone, or liked a picture accidentally. Usually it’s an ex-girlfriend, or a new girlfriend of an old boyfriend-current crush. First your heart starts beating really fast, then you start sweating. Before you know it, you’ve had a total freak out and at least three of your friends are consoling you.  This is how I felt,when he asked.

 

“Why are you smiling at me?” “Um, I was just being nice.”  “I mean, do we know each other? ” “No, I was just smiling at you.” “Oh, that’s cute.” Shit, what if he thinks I’m obsessed with him now. “It doesn’t mean that I’m obsessed with you, you’re really not my type! Sorry, that didn’t sound right.” “Hahaha. You apologize all the time don’t you?”  “I’m sorry, what?  No, no I don’t actually.” “Yeah, if someone attacked you, you’d say, oh sorry you attacked me!” “No I don’t apologize. That’s mean.”  “Ha,  just relax.” What a douche.  Don’t let him talk to you like that.“I’m totally relaxed, and that’s really rude. You  don’t know me.”  “Well, I’d like to.” “Please, this isn’t a movie. So no, I really don’t like it when people make assumptions about me #makesAnAssOutOfYouAndMe.”  Even though I’ve just planned your  entire future with Alice in my head.eliot-and-darleen-on-train

“You’re just really interesting.” “Oh wow what a compliment. I’ve said two words to you, and I’m interesting.” “You’re eyes are interesting. They’re really nice.”  “What, I’m sorry?” “There ya go?” “No, I’m just saying that’s a total lie. Blue eyes are pretty, interesting  eyes. Mine are just dark.” “Well, with green in them.” “Okay, so I get what you’re doing. It’s adorable  for a 22 year old. But I have no time for it.” “For what?” “You scream ghoster.” “Well you scream #crazy.” “That is sooo. You are exactly how I thought you’d be.” “How you thought I’d be?  I  was just joking. It’s not a bad thing.”Just leave.  “I’m leaving now.” “Aw, I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. You’re really cute. Usually cute girls are good crazy.” “O my God, I  just don’t like this car.  Nor do I like being called cute. I’m leaving,  not because of you. I would never let a man have that kind of power over me.” I clearly would, that’s what I’m doing.  Well maybe I wouldn’t mind making a dramatic exit either. I haven’t been in a show for months.  Then I remember that it’s  illegal to switch cars, and  appears very dangerous. This isn’t the way I want to die. Suck it up. Shit, this is a  lot harder than people make it look.  I can’t open it. I hear him laughing. This is so  embarrassing. “You want me to help you out.” “No, I don’t want you to help me. It’s not that I can’t open the door.” “Seems like it.” “No, I just decided I don’t feel like moving.” I turn around, and, he has a total Edward Cullen laugh. The exact laugh he had  when Bella walked down the aisle, #breakingdawn.  “Okay, fine I’ll go out with you.” “What wow, I didn’t ask you out.”  “Well, your face did.”

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