It’s an “I’m over New York day,” and as I sit on the train ride to Brooklyn a cute couple strolls on. They both are wearing skinny jeans and have great shaggy hair! They sit down and adorably cuddle. There are two kinds of cuddling: adorable happy cuddling, where you smile and share looks of gratitude, or obnoxious cuddling, the couple flash superior looks and roll their eyes at everyone around them. These two have got it down just right. It’s obvi they just decided to become exclusive, so the I love you’s and talk of ever after are months away. However, they only have eyes for each other.
To my right, there’s a two year old boy laughing very loudly, touching things and just being cute. He is the perfect reminder of innocence and beauty. His dad says loudly. “Touch with your eyes not with your hands.” What? I don’t really understand wha that means, so I imagine a toddler doesn’t either. The girl across from me notices the baby also and she’s beaming. I see her boyfriend’s face, his smile goes from “I like this girl,” to “this girl is freaking me out.” Yes, she’s made the very common mistake of showing her strong maternal instinct. She adores children. In the 1950’s this was a great trait, exposing it was a bonus. Today not so much. A man translates a woman admiring a child to, “I want two kids today, and I want you to be the father.”
He lets go of her hand and is looking around. Oh no poor guy, just breathe man. Shit, this could be the end of their budding relationship. How can I get her attention, distract her, say I love her jeans, but I don’t, so that would make me a liar. Yes got it. “I have to say you two make an awesome couple.” “Awww thanks.” She smiles at me the kindest smile with the cutest gap in her teeth. I look at him and he’s almost shaking. Oh gosh I’ve made it worse, he’s feeling trapped. They arrive at the stop and she says bye to me and the baby. “Bye.”
All the happiness I was feeling has completely turned into anxiety. He’s breaking it off with her tonight and she has no idea why. Or worse, he’s going to fade her out. Text less everyday, no phone calls and constantly cancel #hangingout. She’ll get it soon enough, or she likes him so much she will just go with it and text more, call more! She tells her friends, “I feel so stupid, he didn’t text me back. What did I do wrong?” Now he has an excuse to officially break it off and tell everyone, “dude she’s crazy.”