Are you afraid of ghosts?
Oh, I am.
I’ve had a fear of ghosts since I was ghosted by a guy eight years ago. Fortunately, I’ve only encountered a major ghoster once in my lifetime, which is rare. That’s not to say that I haven’t had little ghost encounters here and there. And it seems as though all of my amazing, strong, and female single friends are ghosted on a regular basis.
Sure, women ghost men, too—the Beatles even wrote a song about it #yesterday—but I think it’s less frequent, and I don’t do it myself. I’m more likely to pull the “I like you, but I’m just focusing on my career,” or the more obvious hint: “I’m too busy right now.” And although I’ve had bad breakups, there’s just something awful about being ignored—especially when he once seemed to be so interested. We rack our brains thinking, What did I do? We go over every tiny detail. Maybe you got a little too nervous and showed your excitement too soon, but you’re human. Him not having the decency to say, “Hey, I just don’t think we should see each other like that anymore,” is just rude and cowardly.
The ghosting trend has gone on since the beginning of time. But why do we hear so much about it now? Maybe women weren’t as vocal about their interest back then, or maybe it’s just that there wasn’t any social media to complain about it on.
But I’ve always wondered if ghosts feel remorse. I recently found out that some actually do.
Last year, I started receiving multiple texts from my ghost from eight years ago. Suddenly, it was all: “Let’s go out?” and “Looking good on Facebook! I see you’re not seeing anyone….” Had he completely lost his mind?!
He started messaging compliments, and I clearly didn’t mind them, until one of them was: “You’re aging really well.” I love being reminded that I’m aging. Anyway, then he said: “I’m sorry I was a dick back then.”
Then he sent four words that shocked me: “I felt so bad.”
I realized: OMG, this boy does feel remorse. He actually said the words I wanted to hear. And although I appreciated the sentiment, it didn’t change my opinion of what he had done.
It also got me wondering how many other men ghost, and how many ghosts regret it. So I asked a bunch of guys in New York City—random strangers at a bar, some male friends, and one guy at a coffee shop. Here’s what they had to say…
“I was 26, and she was talking about marriage on the first date. A massive creeper. NO, I don’t regret it. She was a creeper.”
“Yes, I was 22. I was only interested in her physically, and I could tell she liked me more emotionally. I didn’t want to hurt her. Yes, I regret it. I was really young.”
“Yes. I was 30, and she screamed crazy. That says it all, doesn’t it?”
“Yes, I do it all the time. Women in New York are crazy.”
“Yeah, I just did it. I just wasn’t interested in her, and I thought, I don’t owe her anything. Yes, I regret it because she’s really hot.”
“Yes, I do it all the time. It’s girls I sleep with who pretend they don’t care, then they get emotionally attached. I feel bad, but they know what they’re getting into.”
“Yes. I slept with this girl, and she cried after. It was weird. No, I don’t feel bad.”
“Yeah, I was 28. I met her at a club and slept with her that night. So I figured she did it all the time.”
“Yeah, I do it a lot. Of course I feel bad, but it’s better than me telling her I don’t like her.”
How terrible! Really, what is wrong with people? I’ve posted about this before, Narcissist Versus Crazy but it really makes me angry. Men need to stop calling women crazy! What’s actually crazy, is that men don’t have the courage to be honest with a woman. They’re too afraid of what she will potentially say or do. Get it together, guys, and grow up!